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  1. My first day of first grade in Catholic school.
    my mother marched me to school. I did not want to go.. That was not what I had planned for that day.For the last hundred feet, she was dragging me by my arm, dragging the tops of my shoes on the sidewalk. right up to the gate of the school where I got my first sight of a nun.
    The nuns were standing around in their black wedding gowns like Dracula‘s wives. No smiles. we had to lineup 2 x 2, boys in the front, girls in the back of each formation by grade.
    it was a gray drizzly day. We had to line up and say the Pledge of Allegiance before marching in in formation. I didn’t know the Pledge of Allegiance, I didn’t know the ABC’s, I didn’t even know how to count to 10..
    sister Ignatius Roselia was my first grade teacher. She was probably about 75 years old, and had a miserable wrinkled face. I never saw her smile. She carried a yardstick, and smacked it to get your attention on the table or on the chalkboard. The classrooms were silent.. no one dared ask to go to the bathroom. One little girl Peed right in her seat..
    in front of the room above the blackboard was a man nailed to a cross. I had never seen an image like that in my life. It was a shock.What kind of a place what is this? Are they going to nail us to a cross?
    The thick tension in the air constantly in that classroom, in that school that had been there since the late 1800s on the north side of Pittsburgh. The slate steps were heavily scalloped out from the decades of children using the stairs. Hardwood floors throughout the building echoed down the silent halls.
    they taught us that we are all guilty of original sin, they told us the bad people go to hell forever, they told us that God is everywhere ,is always watching you. But nobody was watching the nuns when they would beat everyone in the room which I have seen on several occasions..One time, somebody had the nerve to throw a piece of candy that ended up bouncing off one of the kids and rolling up to the feet of the nun while her back was turned writing on the blackboard. She went around the room with her ruler up and down the isles smacking every child on the back because she didn’t know who did it so we were all guilty.. these frustrated dropouts from reality, these criminals, child abusers. I was put in their custody for 8 dispiriting years.
    The tension in those classrooms was so high at times, I fainted 17 times. Many times when I did not faint, I would vomit especially after lunch. One time, after I vomited, they went over to the high school and forced my sister out of class and made her come to the grade school and clean it up..
    I remember one of the other children’s fathers coming to school, we could hear him screaming at the nun that terrorized and beat his child. She was lucky. Her father took her out of that concentration camp and put her into a public school..
    nuns are not normal. They are abnormal. They should not be teaching normal children.
    we moved, I went to Catholic school in my new place of residence for eighth grade. The new batch of nuns were not as savage, but they were just as strict. But I was older, and I was accustomed to being handled like a nameless inmate.
    but the next year in ninth grade I went to public school. I could not believe how much more I learned. I was not brainwashed with mysticism and rituals and myths anymore..I was actually taught useful things like math , Science, I actually got to participate in gymnastics, there was a football team, track team, a chess club, science club, and an actual chemistry lab, there was actually a shop class/woodworking class, and art room, home economics room where they taught you to cook and wash clothes. We got to go outside and play things like basketball or volleyball or jump on a real trampoline in gym class.. and to top it all off, there were actually showers, and the Classrooms were warm in the winter.the teachers were all normal people they didn’t wear black wedding dresses. There were no men nailed to a cross in each room.. I could actually go to the bathroom when I had to during class. The teachers actually cracked jokes, some of the students even misbehaved in class and didn’t get paddled. We were allowed to wear normal clothes, the girls did not have to wear uniforms.They actually had student activities after school and dances on Friday nights, and football games, and basketball games with other schools, there were cheerleaders, they had a high school band, this was all new to me.public school was like another planet. I was not nervous constantly, I stopped tapping my feet constantly, I never Fainted again. we were actually treated and spoken to like a normal people in public school. No more condescending attitudes…
    I have three children. I would never dream of subjecting them to those prison guard sadists in black.. I have three grandchildren now. And I am so thankful that my daughters in law both are not going to subject the children to Catholic school terror that my sister and i endured… my childhood, my belief in Santa clause, and the Easter bunny were smashed, and my childhood ended when I went to my first day of grade school. That was the most traumatic shock of my life to this day.. my father dying when I was only six, and my mother dying does not even compare to the overwhelming anxiety, and sense of helplessness I felt my first day in Catholic school ..
    The only way I could survive it and still maintain my sanity, was just to consider myself condemned, and take one day at a time…
    I will never get over having my childhood stolen from me..
    my sister and I discussed this with our mother years later. We asked her how could you possibly do that to your children. My mother being an upbeat hispirited full-blooded Irish woman always brushed it off as something funny. She would say something like, yeah I went to the same school, that’s sister Baptista really could hit couldn’t she??
    My mother had eight brothers. They all went to the same Catholic school. They had many of the same teachers I had.. when we would be with our uncles and their families on holidays, we would often talk about our experiences in Catholic school, and my uncles would all start laughing and remembering how mean the nuns were to them, but they were able to laugh about it. Maybe that’s the way they healed.. but one thing , none of my uncles sent any of their children to Catholic school
    nuns are not normal people. They have withdrawn from modern life and they have stepped back in time. Our children need to be prepared for the future not the past. I feel that nuns have no business teaching normal children.. most of them are frustrated going against nature and biology.. and they subconsciously direct this frustration on the children in their custody.. I never did anything to get paddled for in Catholic school. I was too institutionalized. I excepted the fact that my situation was hopeless and I didn’t fight it.. but I witnessed some of the beatings other children whose spirits were not broken like mine taking beatings..
    I remember a boy in the eighth grade was caught kissing a girl in the sixth grade by one of the nuns in the hallway. The nuns stood those two kids up in front of the entire school in the courtyard while we were forced to stand 2 x 2 by class boys in the front girls in the back. These two kids had to stand there while these nuns put them on display we were assembled to witness public punishment for unacceptable behavior. They did not say what they were doing to the student body, but they said that their actions in school were unacceptable, and they beat them both in front of the entire school. I found out the next day that all they were doing was kissing. I thought that they stole one of the priests golden chalices, at least. I never saw a little girl turned so red in the face in my life. I knew that girl she was a quiet sweet little girl. Her name was joan.. her mother had died years earlier, and she lived with her grandmother because her father had to work overnight sometimes because he was a truck driver. that nun was paddling these kids, she was smacking that girl on the backs of her legs, and was enjoying it.The boy was a bit of a self-confident cocky type.. that criminal nun really beat the shit out of him. She had him screaming.. I can still hear the sound of that heavy long ruler she beat them with whistling through the air.. it was as though that nun was getting even with all males in the world, for not kissing her in her past..
    No one that has not then handed over to a Catholic school in first grade and miss treated buy those not normal frustrated women can possibly imagine how terrifying it was. The hopelessness, the anxiety, the terror in a young child’s mind..
    they Child molesters..
    That’s the way it was, my first day in catholic school, first grade, september. 1957.. it was a gray overcast drizzly day in more ways than one.. it was the end of childhood for me at age 5, and it was the worst eight years of my life..actually it prepared me for life early…I learned at a young age, no one cares, and the only one you can count on is yourself..
    I also learned that God is everywhere. So now knowing that, if he wants to see me, he can come to my house on Sundays from now on… preferably after 10 AM

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